“Pastor Mike,” a lady approached me the other day with a concern she wanted to talk through. “My husband and I are having a difficult time. All he wants to do is talk, talk, talk!”
I asked, “Well, have you guys been working on it? Have you told him how you feel?”
She responded, “I haven’t spoken to him in three years. I don’t want to interrupt him!”
I got a good laugh, but her response revealed a universal reality. We all have different personalities that push us toward approaching communicating in a certain way. But if we want to move from simply co-existing with to cherishing those God has given us, we’ve got to learn how to communicate healthily. If we’ll approach communication God’s way, even the most burdensome of relationships can become blessings to our lives.
So what is God’s way? We find it in Scripture. First, the Bible speaks of communication’s importance. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Second, it tells us that communication takes work. Proverbs 21:23 says, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”
If you study what that work looks like, you’ll find there are three primary building blocks to healthy communication. First, we’ve got to prepare. We must set aside time to think and pray about what we’re trying to communicate, and how we can best do so. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to simple conversations, but for the bigger ones, it’s important to prepare not just your words but your heart as well. Why? Because as Luke 6:45 says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks! Then, we’ve got to be proactive in setting a time and place for the conversation.
The second thing we must do to communicate healthily is honor the person. Honor means to regard with respect. One of the best ways to communicate with honor is to listen well. James 1:19 says, “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Honor also always considers the other person. Philippians 2:4 (ESV) says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
The final thing we must do when communicating healthily is communicate with honesty—to be truthful. Ephesians 4:25 (ESV) says, “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” Now, being honest doesn’t mean we should say whatever we’re thinking, even if our thoughts are valid. It means we must be honest about the truth, while gracious in how we communicate it. Honor and honesty should always go hand in hand.
I’m incredibly grateful God created us to live life in community—to be better together. As we embrace His heart for communication, we’ll undoubtedly build relationships we enjoy!
